I was rooted over the creaky old wooden chair with the daily dose of steaming cup. The usual sultry afternoon made everything look humid and common. Sweat oozed out from various corners. The hot cup elevated the tension within. My wet back embraced the cool themed t-shirt tight. Yet the beverage was a zest in the rather mundane lifeless seconds of the day. Aroma that came out of the kitchen proclaimed that those deep fried snacks were ready to decorate the glass showcase over the prime focus point of the campus, even though this small corner was outside the campus I preferred calling this spot the prime one.
Each sip consumed the dying smoke wiggling out of my left hand. The smoke in hand was held hidden, yet the smoke spread beyond the cup towards the endless span of black sky. With each rise of exhaled darkness came random stares that pierced through the dust and ash making me feel like a naked infant in the midst of a glorious party hall filled with bright lights.
Gazing over the common faces around with each gulp of smoke, my gaze struck on a tiny black eyed new face. She had the flake but couldn’t find the fire to light it. She was a puzzled child in a new school caught in the crowd and roaming around verandas to find her classroom. The match boxes were empty in the stand & the lighter fell broken. I extended my firing smoke to the deer in the den. Hesitantly tiny eyed took it on the left hand & the fire head kissed the tobacco lip for the first of many.
Days went by, we met on cross roads, talked over steaming mugs, thought over Kafka, ate till our anger subdued and one day we took the flight of hallucination under the starry sky on a closed terrace. With each passing second of togetherness we became inseparably one in the realm of time.
The maiden rays gave her hair the golden glow which tickled my weary eyes open to the morning hues. We came down the steps, with tired limbs, to the kitchen. Coffee aroma mused in the air to revitalize the tired body and sound soul.
Gradually leaves turned yellow, then red and they died of normalcy. Cushion covers turned into thread ball masses on the outside, reminding them of a ghost past. A past that was vibrant and cozy.
There lies a juncture in everyone’s struggle where we fail to comprehend the harsh reality and thrash fantasy. Our fancy world was on the verge of destruction, without any hope of resurrection, mass destruction like the one which wiped out all life from the face of earth. The reset button was unbolted and the process has already begun. There was no elasticity left to turn back the tide of time that was taking us all with it.
As per prevailing social norms, there were no pivotal roles for love and identity; there were only castes, creeds and socially identifiable gender. It was not our fault that we were born in the identifiable gender of feminine form. The reset button was beyond repair. We, the mechanics, tried with all our might to alter the fault but we failed equally miserably before the world.
The walkway was filled with mud, with each step forward we went deeper into the root and slumped. We were stuck without a flip back. Days went unnoticed without a change. The change that was anticipated never graced the days. On a lazy morning I opened the swollen eye bags to screen scrolls and unread messages. Expecting the daily morning smiley I opened the chat. The world stood still and I could hear the seconds ticking away rather slowly, though I wished to turn the clock back.
The photo was a red pool of despair with a caption “I failed and they failed us. Sorry. “
The razor with stain rested peacefully on the cushion.
Upon the death of fire, the cigar butt hit the ground to accompany his fellow members who had the same fate as his, Karma they said. The rotting smell of smoke disguised over the fingertips. I felt the soul of it to be part of myself. The odour that proclaimed you doesn't give me any behavioral advice.
(Through the narrow lane between the rusty orange buildings I ventured to the same old library. The same old library gave new horizons to the surrealistic thoughts of mine.)
I thrived in the world of stares, even when the knock of self destruction episodes came by every day as random musings. Eyes gazed and it never ended where it was supposed to end.
The miniscule world of mine shrunk to a prism. The white light entered and the rainbow came out.
The world failed to comprehend the devastating pain of inner splitting within the prism, all they watched was the beautiful rainbow, The long semicircular bow that came soon after the short spell of drizzle.
